From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Hey look'it I found some photos

My Doggies, Sonic and Daisy. Daisy is getting hosed off and you can't see her head so well. Scott and Aunt Jocye and I at Tarah's dive meet in Dallas.
Emma and I playing salon just moments before eating Thanksgiving Dinner.
Emma and I playing computers at Co Olina House in Hawaii.
Scott and Emma and I napping at Uncle Scott's Christmas Morning, also in Hawaii.

Super cute picture of Emma. She looks like Marlania to me....

Christmas Vacation

Next year I vote for a white Christmas!!

perhaps in Washington? who knows, eh?

We woke up and came into the family area, where stockings had ben stuffed and laid around the table and a pile of presents was surrounding the indoor palm tree.

...and there was much rejoicing...yeah...

But not everyone was awake, so we waited for Grandparents to wake up...

Then there was talk of our being expected at Scott and Mariana's, so we piled into the van and drove to the Latimer's. We trundled upstairs to the family room and watched as my cousin's opened their presents. And put them together. And played with them. I think at one point everyone who had not yet opened a present was asleep for the sheer boredom of it all. It was cute to watch Nicky and CeCe, but I had presents waiting for me back at Co Olina house... and I was ready to open my presents. SO we made waffles and had breakfast. I missed out because I was wrapping the presents I had brought and bought. I got one belgum waffle. FINALLY after hours of waiting... We go there around 8 and left around 12:30... we came home and *grabae* waited around while people went upstairs to change and get lunch and all sorts of stuff that was not opening presents. I finally broke down and opened my stocking. I don't think I have ever started opening presents with the rest of the family awake and around without everyone sitting around to watch. I got some meh gifts... I got a macadamian nut lei that I had my eye on... actually I handed it to Mom and she bought it for me and I acted supprised to see it the next morning. :P and some chocolates... and um... other stuff.
I got a recording of Grandpa O reading stories from Dad, and that was great. I got Scott Pirates of the Carabbian 3... I don't really remember, oh wait, Tarah gave me a shirt, and um that's all I remember without looking into the bag of gifts.

Eventually everyone opened their presents and we popped in a movie. Tarah got Mom "Hairspray" and we have watched it at least once a day since. It's awesome.

I'm looking forward to having our own family. Been daydreaming of was it could concievably happen... most are more proposterous than the last... But one of these days...

Oh and a huge thank you goes out to Jamies for my Birthday journal. I am several days behind...if I were doing a page a day, but I carry it around with me everywhere. Honsetly. We went to the Dole Pineapple plantation. It was raining the entire time. I didn't wear my poncho because I used it to wrap up and keep my journal dry. It's my grown-up security blanket. I love it.

I need to go and get some sleep, we are hiking to the Lighthouse overlooking the north of the island at sunrise tomorrow. I'm excited, it sounds like fun.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Funerals... feelings from so very far, like we've know each other oh so long...

Am I a heartless sick-o for having fun over the weekend?

I met and played and mothered and laughed and cried and froze and cooked and edited and slept and I was so busy with all that, I didn't have to be sad. I know where Megan is, I know my opinion of why she was taken now. I am at peace with her sudden death.

I cried when I saw her, her skin so waxy and the makeup so fake. Everything was wrong looking, the hair was stringy and wet, there was no part in her lips and I don't think her eye lashes were ever that think.

Bless the hands that prepared her, I was supposed to be there.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

On having only one kid

but Megan, the arguments you gave rely so heavily on you being there for it all.

Now you're not. And Quinn only has one baby to remember you by.

We miss you.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Prince Marcus and the Ice Dragon

Genie in a Bottle

By James Quigley 12/33/07

After such a long day of adventuring and eating lambs, Prince Marcus and the Ice Dragon were very tired so they flew back to the Ice Dragon's cave to go to sleep.

Prince Marcus was awaken by a faint voice that said "Let me out and I will play with you." Prince Marcus sat up and said to the Ice Dragon, "Did you hear that?" The Ice dragon had been asleep and said that he had not heard anything. "Go back to sleep, Prince Marcus." Prince Marcus laid down to go to sleep and he heard the voice again. "Please, let me out."

Prince marcus jumped up again, this time the Ice Dragon heard the voice. "I think I know what that is." he said. Prince marcus followed the voice to a crack in the back of the cave.

The Ice Dragon couldn't go down the crack because he was to big, but Prince Marcus could. So they let down a rope and Prince Marcus went down and down, past the treasures that had fallen down the crack in the Ice Dragon's cave.

Then Prince Marcus saw a glowing lamp, it was still burning bright, so he picked it up and gave the rope a tug. The Ice Dragon pulled the rope up, with Prince Marcus on it. It was a genie lamp and Prince Marcus rubbed on it to get the ganie to come out.

"I'd be careful, if I were you," said the Ice Dragon"it took me three years to get that genie back into the bottle."

When the genie popped out, Prince Marcus was supprised because the genie was a beautiful woman. Girl genies are tricker than boy genies, and this one was no exception.

"You have three wished and when those three wishes are used up I get to go away." said the Genie.

"What is your first wish? Are you hungry?" asked the genie. She wanted to trick Prince Marcus into using his first wish, but Prince Marcus was to smart for that. So he told her that he already had food.

He started to cook the Daddy lamb that was encased in frozen ice. While he was eating his mutton the genie conjured up a wonderful, lavish feast. She invited Prince Marcus to join her. Prince Marcus didn't want to be rude so he accepted the invitation. When they had finished the feast, Prince Marcus said thank you and went back to where the Ice Dragon was eatting the mutton. Prince Marcus started to eat more mutton because he knew that the genie's food was magic and didn't really fill you up.

"Are you going to make your first wish?" asked the genie.

"I don't think I'm going to use my wishes right away. I like you and I want to keep you around" said Price Marcus. Then he went to sleep.

The next morning Prince Marcus had come up with a plan. He told the genie that he was ready to make his first wish. The Ice Dragon wanted Prince Marcus to ask for his advice, but when he looked into Prince Marcus' eyes he could see that Prince Marcus had a plan so he didn't say anything.

"My first wish," said Prince Marcus to the genie, "is that the second and third wishes be turned into one wish."

"Are you sure?" asked the Ice Dragon. Prince Marcus said that he was sure. The Ice Dragon knew that Prince Marcus was very clever and so he trusted him.

"Are you sure?" asked the genie. "if you use your first wish to turn the second and third with into one wish, you'll only have one wish left."

"Yes, that is what I want to do" said Prince Marcus.


"Your wish has been granted" said the genie.

"My second and last wish" said Prince Marcus "is that you become a real human, and stop being a genie."

"You can't do that" said the genie. "It breaks the rules of the genie magic."

"Well," said Prince Marcus "you already broke the rules when you changed my second and third with into one wish. The rules are that I get three wishes and because of my first wish, I only have two wishes. You must honor my wish"

The Ice Dragon smiled because he saw the clever tick that Prince Marcus had made.

The genie saw that Princ marcus was right and honored his wish.


She was a human now. Prince Marcus gave her his cloak to wear because she was cold in the Ice Dragon's icy lair. When she was a genie she didn't feel hot or cold, so this was a new experience for her.

Then Prince Marcus taught her how to eat real food, and they ate up the rest of their mutton, and the woman learned to love mutton. Then Prince Marcus taught the woman how to be all about being a human and they were married and lived happily ever after.

The End.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

One word

Here is a little fun something from my Aunt Mariana.
This should be interesting. Let the Game Begin!!!!!
The Game is on!!! And you're IT! [this means you the reader...not me the poster :P]
Describe ME in one word.... just one single word. Send it to me and
to me only. Then send this message to all your friends and see how
many strange & interesting things they say about you. This is really
fun. Here's how to Play:
1. Hit the reply key and send me my one word.
2. Then return to this message, and forward it to your friends
(including me) and see what people say about you when limited to one
The Game is On!!!!!

Monday, December 3, 2007

having one only one child is a disservice to your kid.

My sister in law Megan does not understand why.

This is what I came up with in 10 minutes. Anyone else have something to add?

Also, maybe you could help me understand something that continues toescape me: Why do you see it as a disservice to the child to not haveany siblings? I was thinking that as long as I provide Teaq withsocial experiences time after time as he's growing up, that he willlearn about people and how to interact with society in an acceptableway. I guess I was also thinking that I was doing him a favor by notbeing a crabby mom all the time (cuz that's what I turn into when Idon't get enough time alone and have too much to do :)

Arren - Well, I am not even sure where to start. How about the future. Your grandkids will have no extended family on your side. This means less presents for birthdays and Christmas. Less letters from family while on a mission, less opportunity to get to know their parent (father). Aunts and uncles remember stories of each other better than the grand parents do... grandparents memories fail them :P and half the time they were not around for the stuff that was fun/ funny. Less inside jokes, less safety net to fall back on. Think of it, if you were an only child and your parents died... or left the church. Who would you turn to? Now what if your parents were only children too? No family anywhere you turn! No cousins with shoulders to cry on. No relatives to move in and continue on with. And no one who knows your parents like you know your parents (if not better) and can mourn them the way your mourn them. There would be no one for Teaq to fight with and learn to forgive, because they are stuck under one roof. I think a lesson this important should be taught while growing up. Not when you are married and suddenly 'stuck' with your spouce. No one for Teaq to feel proud of, (siblings are the BEST show and tell) no little siblings to protect on the playground. To one to tease. No one to giggle late at night with, he'll always sleep alone :( No one to share the quirks you and Quin have, that only a child would love. If he tried to tell some they would think you extremly strange, not endearing. No one to pray for when they fall astray. No one to wish him the best at his wedding. No one to give hard learned lessons to. No secret languages that are not for mom's ears. No one to share disclipline with. No one who understands things like you've forgotten how to do, like a child does. No friendly face when you go to a new school. He'll always be alone at the end of the day, no matter how many times you take him out to play. How would he learn to nuture? To treat a baby? How sad to be afraid to hold one when he is a dad.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Happy Birthday to me!

I had a great birthday. The office took me out to eat, Scott to me to a swanky restraunt for dinner and James got me an awesome present.

It's a journal, a nice wooden one, and on EVERY page he wrote something for me to do that will help me to be happier. How cool is that?!

He is leaving on the 21st. That's the day we are leaving for Hawaii. We will be Christmas-ing in Hawaii this year. I'm stoked.

Becca asked me to sing a duet with her for the ward Christmas party.

We have added Google calender, and it's been fun to play around with.

I have been scrap booking the pictures that were abandoned at James' house. Many of them have stuff written on the back, so I am making those corner sticker things so the picture is not permanently affixed to the page. I don't have the time or money to go out and buy them so I'm making mine out of tape. It's pretty cool.

Also check out "Dear Body," on youtube.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Life... or something like it.

Who came up with that phrase? I think I really really like them.

I got am e-mail from Miles the other day and I almost cracked in half. It was SO refreshing to read his sense of humor. It's so like mine. I knew just when he was being sarcastic and when he wanted me to laugh.. and I did.

I have been so stressed I can't sleep well and when I am awake I can't keep my eyes open. James said "Why don't you just choose to be happy?"


I am overwhelmed with my weaknesses right now. Just when my plate is full with things I need to do better or fix, I get bombarded with more.

I have been helping James get ready to move to Washington.

last month I read a book and among other cultural lessons I thought it this was interesting. The heroin... the gal not the drug... I'm way not going to check into that right now... was stressed about her new marriage and money and other things that newly married Jewish girls worry over. She came home to find her mother very depressed and she had the presence of mind to take over the responsibilities her mother shouldered for Pesach. She found that when she was so busy cleaning and delegating and cooking, that she had no time to worry over anything else. * aside I just found a WONDERFUL site : *

I feel like I'm running off that theory right now... I'm not looking forward to things slowing down.

I was wondering what our conversations would be like if I were to speak what I was thinking. It would definitely be interesting. I hardly think in complete or linear patterns. And always there is a song going through my mind... so conversations would jump around and be broken up with random-usually unrelated- songs.

If I get a chance to breath with out having a meltdown, I'll try it and let the world know how it goes.


I love automatic spell checks!

Sunday, October 21, 2007


I sure do hope you had a better day a t church than I did.

Man, I'm not sure what's up, I have been really tired (well I know about that one, I have not gotten much sleep...) and shaky and GRUMPY!

The shakes could either be a lack of good food... I have been feasting on doughnuts and candy instead of real food. Or it could be an effect of the medications I am taking... James is taking the same stuff and he gets the shakes too.

I went to a baby shower yesterday and, meh, it was okay. I went to church today, by myself, and ,meh, it was okay. The kids were rowdy and annoying. The lesson uninspiring. i really really wanted to go to adult classes.

I miss my nephews so much it's uncomfortable to be around other kids, they do cute things and I am reminded of the boys and then I miss them more and more. It' s really tough.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

How could yo...uh...why...NOOOOOOO!

SO before I was finished writing the previous post, James comes in and calls a family meeting. Well Scott was gone so it was just bro and sister at this family meeting.

He is moving to Washington.

This is me trying REALLLLLY hard to stay happy. I'm am so proud of him and his growth and what he has learned and that he is doing the most right thing.

But I'm also a selfish little sister.

I have had a big brother for a year now. That's it. From one fall season to another fall season. September to November... after 21 years of waiting! How is that fair?! Just a year and already my child/playthings are taken away and held hostage in Washington. Now my bestest big brother is leaving me too. I will officially have NO family in the town where I live... which by the way is about as large as London. And there will be only two people in the house.

But it's really the very best thing that he could be doing right now.

I fantasize that I could volunteer to move up there with him.

However that would backfire is so many ways. The worst is that it would create the exact opposite reaction from Jenny then he is wanting.

So no dramatic moves across the country to a cold climate where it will actually snow... bummer :P

On the up side... He looks so much better now that he knows what he is doing, and has a spiritual confirmation (and my testimony that it's correct) that his choice is good.

Physically he looks softer. It's weird.

I could tell he was struggling with something. It was not even a case of 'sister intuition'... He looked horrible. Like he was sick, yellowish and almost pickelish. Yes, he looked like a pickle.

I asked him several times what was wrong. I got answers... and it was all stuff I could have guessed. Work was stressful today, worried about the divorce blah blah blah.

I asked if there was anything I could do... Nope, not really. He ate dinner before he came home... he is not thirsty. He just wants to play a gammie... (and dude, I'm never very helpful when it comes to playing computer games) all to no avail.

Then Monday he came home and he was clean looking and clean smelling. After a full day of work, when I asked for a hug, he smelled like he just got out of the shower and put on clothes fresh from the wash. And he didn't look like a pickle anymore. and he was relaxed. and happy.

It made me calm down a bit too. I was not worrying about him.

I truly have the most amazing brothers ever.

No doubt that I will miss him like crazy, but promised him I would not get pissy and moody because he is leaving or when he leaves. So I won't.

Monday, October 15, 2007

I've decided and that final!

I want to be like all the girls I looked up to as a youth.

Bertie, Christy, Amy, Elise, Jessica, Gina, Rhonda, Amy Lou, Kourt, Megan, but probably mostly Jessica and Elise.
Lately I have seen the most of Bertie via her blog. and I really want to be like her. SO happy and full of life and confident and fit. And beautiful.

So I am deciding to choose to see the good things in my life. To accept the bitter and rejoice in the sweet. I am goin gto really work on being positive.

It will be a long hard and probably lonely road, so wish me luck.

Question from Miles (my little Brother)

In any case so here is the big question of late.

Does the US as a big free country have the responciblility or the right to invade other contries and then try to police them?

Hmmm, good question.

I don't think any entity has the right to attempt to manipulate the free will of another. Not a person forcing another person to do something illegal (think crime lords and the mafia) nor a parson forcing a nation to follow only one way of thinking (Hitler and Stalin and Lennon and Saddam and communists in general...) nor do a group of peope have the right to do the same (any "wing" of politics which is a whole discussion in and of itself or the Talaban or whatever). So. In order for this to happen, good people must be vigilant in going around and keeping order.

I am reading the Lord of th Rings again. The fellowship of the ring was made of good people doing their best to keep free people free and tyrrany abated. However they "invaded" other lands and fought and killed to maintain that freedom.

Much like the US going to war with people/policies/ or nations that are corrupt and are actiely corrupting those around them. Or manipulating or even removing the free will of the afore mentioned people.

So I think the real question is when are we protecting freedom and when are we fighting just to fight?

If the free people of Middle earth had the strength, and they marched aganist Mordor and were able win battles and hold their position near the Mount of Mordor, and if they were content to sit there and fight until the evil of Sauroman was defeated; I think we'd have a great analogy to the US's position in the War aganist Terrorism. However they did not. They went in and destroyed the ring of power. Once that ring was destroyed, the evil forces were defeated, without a so-long and gory battle.

HOWEVER. That is a story. In real life there is no ring. And just like is explaned in the book, if they were to destroy just Sauroman, another would rise to fill his shoes. So it is that if we killed off Hitler then Hussein came later to fill his shoes and then ben Lauden.


America as a big strong country has the opportunity to stomp out evil. And then withdraw. Build up their forces and prepare for the next baddie to come. Satan is likened to Sauroman, the ring would then be his power over this world. We don't have a Hobbit (Prophet) and a Wizard (Christ) at this time to destroy that ring of power. We are in the stages of Rangers roaming the wilds and beating back the evils that threaten to come up among us unawares. If a Ranger was to camp at a baddies door and vow to rid the world of evil by killing the whatevers he'd probably not get far... and that is where I think we are.

What do you think?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

So today I had my first nose bleed.

I'm not sure if it's really something to celebrate... but it just goes to show that I'm not done with "firsts".

I've been fighting a cough and sinus drainage for a month now. Perhaps I'll break down one of these days and see if it's allergies. I really don't want to because I've never had allergies before and I don't want to have allergies now.

I have lost my voice because of the coughing and now, instead of coughing until the phlegm comes out I just give a "token" cough so it doesn't tickle.

Stop reading if you are squeamish.

Today I had to cough for real and a nice chunk came flying right out. I had to scrape it off the cabinet where it landed. EW!

Okay all you squeamish types... you can read again.

Scott went to a service project this morning and came home with a shopping bag full of fresh mint from the Coppell community garden. James helped me de-stem the leaves and I made up a big batch (1 gal) of mint tea. YUMMY!

I have started to come around to online bill pay. Starting this month my bills will be automated and electronic. Wish me luck.

I had a tough week. November is the end of our fiscal year at work and everyone is straining to get things done and ready for years end. Thus I have more projects. It's not a big deal. I like doing projects for everyone. HOWEVER, I have daily duties that are part of my job description. I am having less and less time to do them because of all the projects I'm picking up. So I had James assist me in streamlining some of my daily chores.

Monday we stayed up till midnight as he showed me how to do macros in excel. I asked to stop because I was really tired and i get up between 5 and 5:30 to work out. I need the little sleep I get. Especially with the stress I am under right now. So I got to work on Tuesday and was ready o start implementing the stuffs I had half learned. At 8:30 my boss comes over and gives me 3 projects that I have to have finished at the end of the day or at the end of the week. Cool. One of those projects was a powerpoint presentation. Every time I opened it to work on it, I would look up and 3 hours had passed. Oooops. The other two involved calling people, which I am not fond of doing, and gathering informations. I also had to worry about projects that were started months ago. So I had no time to work on my pet project in excel. The rest of the week was rinse and repeat. Evenings I would come home, and go to bed... I had dinner twice all week. Tuesday Scott and I started gathering things to decorate for Halloween, we both passed out before any real decorating began. Mornings I had to ask Crystal to stop early so I would not pass out from lack of food. Finally on Thursday night I had Scott get some groceries. I had a sweet chat with James, ate dinner and went to bed. Again after midnight. I went to bed after 11 every night this week!!! I'm SO tired. Friday James and Scott brought me dinner at work and we got my excel projects started. I came home and went to bed, they went to play volleyball.

I really wanted to play volleyball. I shaved my legs and was so ready. But I was way too tired. Today my goal was to sleep all day!

So I got up at 8, which is sleeping in for me. I picked up the house and went back to bed. I got up again at 11:30 when Jessey came in and started licking my hair. Normally I think it's cute when our cats "groom" us. This morning Jessey swallowed a clump of hair and spit it out on my face. It was all wet and cat-breath-y. So I got up. I did laundry. All of the laundry in our apartment. It took all day and Texas Tech beating A&M 34 - 7 to get it done.

Now I am writing in my blog. and when I am done I will get my Sunday school lesson done and go to sleep.

Okay I'm done. Goodnight!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

So. The boys get to stay in WA. Until the divorce is final... James gets one weekend a month for a supervised visit that he pays for.


Monday, October 1, 2007

Just got back from court.

I hope I was more helpful than I feel. James said I was great and I'll take his word.

Friday, September 28, 2007


I think I'll be writing in a real journal about this one. Sorry you'll have to wait until I'm dead to find out what is going on. :)

Monday, September 17, 2007

This MUST be a placeholder...

I know I had ton's that I was going to write about... and now I can't think of a thing. Well, I can but I will save them for a real journal... like a book that you write in. OR I could just chat those thought out with Crystal in the morning...

Oh, one of the things was that tomorrow is Jame's court date to start divorce proceedings. I've got very mixed feelings. I was telling a co worker today that the little angels on my shoulders are really having it out. Scott is going with James. They will leave at I may leave for work then too. I have 30 mins I need to make up. I was sick all over the toilet the other day. ...

bad French Onion soup at 1:30 AM at a bar while you are watching Monday Night Football does not sit well with me. I just learned that.

Empty nest or no... well it's probably definitely empty nest syndrome... nonetheless; I really miss my boys. I hope I get to see them soon.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

On working out.

Crystal and I have started working out again. It's nice to get up in the mornings and start the day off right. I even have time to do my make-up well now. WooHoo, I got some compliments/second looks at work on Friday. I am taking it as a good thing.

We have also been playing volleyball at Yucatan on Friday nights. The first week I was REALLY sore, but this week I can feel where I used muscle groups more than normal but it's not bad.

I also had some super helpers teaching me the 'how' of the game. Este was my favorite teacher from last night. Thanks!

Now Scott wants the computer and i must relinquish my grip on the out-side cyber world.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So I have taken the time to read over the comments left me on my older posts. I have commented back on quite a few. Check it out.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Who sorts the mail?

How dare he!

I work really hard to do things really well and I take pride in my work. Who does he think he is to question my competence at my job! I "sort the mail", and I don't lose the bills. I have procedures. I have standards that I hold myself to. I work well because I allow myself to be anal about the job I am doing. Whatever it is. If the bill is missing, it's because I NEVER GOT IT!

"Stupid Fetcher!" - quote from Morrowind

If you can't read the e-mail I sent you why are you in Corporate management?!
I don't need some one who cannot read to be telling me that I am not doing my job well. Not to mention that I had FIXED the problem as much as is possible. And THEN I went to him. Geeze, It's not like I'm asking for a lot. Just look up the payment history, Tell the stupid people that we have either payed them already and they are retarded, or that we haven't. Not that it was Arren's fault. I have filled out the payment request and sent them in to YOU at corporate. And then I will fill out another request that I requested in advance, and we will pay them. There is no need to freak out my manager. No reason to be rude to me.

AH, done venting. I think.

now that I am more rational... He might not have meant to be so offensive. It was my decision to take the comment personally. I don't need to hang on to it. But I do need to let my manager know about it. * sharp nod* . Yes. First thing tomorrow. And if he tries to pull anything tomorrow, I'll go straight away to management... no matter if she has left or not. I have the cell numbers. I don't need to take any more steps down that path, anger and the dark side lie there...


I think I am good at doing these numbers. WOOHOO! It's like the first time ever.
K. so 'he' gets these emails where I have spelled out in detail what is going on. But he evidently can't read or can't add and subtract. It makes perfect sense to me and I can explain it to him or anyone using the numbers. Never thought I was that good at math. who knew!

I'm still upset that he is not moving past the first e-mail. Evidently not reading about what is going on and all. But I am feeling much better now.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

passwords...shhh it's a secret

So I have a general password. for just about everything.

I use it at work and add number combinations behind it to differentiate between passwords that are "used" and therefore no longer valid.

So I was doing some banking stuffs and I had to call USAA. I had to set up a password because they will no longer be asking me to identify myself my telling them my fathers birth year... who knows that anyways... ( me! I guessed and it was right!!)

so I gave him the password and then they need a "hint" word. So if I forget my password They can give me a hint.

My hint word is a common weed... and it has NOTHING to do with my password.

So I was at work, trying NOT to think about the 50 odd co-workers that got laid off today... including my week one match-up in Fantasy Football... and I contemplated the irony that my common weed would make me thing of my password.

I'm home now and I'm still trying not to think about it. I can only handle so much of people I am close to being ripped away from my sphere of influence. Today's layoff has so over tipped the scale that I'm numb. In addition to James, in addition to the boys.

SO here are my thoughts.

Memories sometimes come with smells, salt free eggs and toast are the smell of early morning seminary. Sometimes they come with sounds, when I hear "Where's the girl" from the Scarlet Pimpernel I am transported back to the musical and the palpable tension the actor and actress brought to the music.

I have a plant memory. Just a common garden weed, but The feelings it's name evokes are overwhelmingly powerful to me.

This common weed is the memory of my cousins coming to visit. We were showing off our friends, their houses, and beach, and Texas in general. By the Nielson's old house on Oil Field Rd, there were longhorns. Naturally they were a stop on our tour of Sugar Land. I was so happy that they were there and so proud to have fantastical beasts and what not to show off. Aunt Jenell commented on a weed that was growing throughout the pasture. We picked the flowers and admired them. It was such a great memory, not outstanding in wonders or insight, but infused with contented joy.

Years later I was setting up my very first e-mail. I needed a user name and I picked one, probably something dumb, and was then required to enter a password. I remember the excitement of this moment. My stomach was all in knots. I was making an E-MAIL!! I was really grown up now! I picked my password (which is the same one I have used ever since.. I'm loyal like that :P) and they asked for a prompt. I remembered vividly for some reason the summer that my cousins came to visit. The common weed that we had admired seemed to epitomize the experience and has become a symbol of something beautiful and perfect, and happy. I was feeling happiness and wonder and excitement akin to that summer and named the weed as my prompt.

Later I realized that I could have ANOTHER e-mail address. I also realized how dumb my first one was. So I picked another much cooler name, but I was having trouble coming up with a password. My original password had a connection to my e-mail address via a movie I like so it was easier from then on to remember my password. The three words, my user name, password and prompt are now intrinsically locked together in a memory of the wonder of making my first e-mail address and the feeling of ultimate happiness.

So the memory of a weed really does remind me of my password; even though they are really truly not related in any other way.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Whas'goin on...

I just finished writing out a letter to our apartment explaining why they needed to pay us 2 or 3k. They rifled through and broke/ damaged our stuff.

They will pay.

We have no bed... just a mattress on the floor. Oh, yes, they will be paying us back for the damages and the time.

In Addition.

Jen has left with my nephews. She left James on a whim and is in Washington for an undetermined amount of time. I miss my boys.

In addition. I joined the fantasy football league at work.

I have no idea how football works, much less fantasy football...

In Addition.

I met Wes Staub and his wife Katie at a volleyball game last night. I grew up with his family and now he is living in our old ward in Richardson. Also there at the game was a guy I am SURE was in my study hall Sophomore year of HS.... Chris... I'm just sure, I'll have to go to another game and ask him.

Hey did you flirt with me in study hall back in high school??


Tha's about it.

Oh, yeah, and Scott just bought me a new washer and dryer!! THIS washer and dryer.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

more confinscated quotes!

You're always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company. ~Diane Von Furstenberg

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. ~Mark Twain

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain

Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else. ~Albert Einstein

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet 'em on your way down. ~Wilson Mizner

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. ~Winston Churchill

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. ~Anonymous

A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~Charlie Chaplin

What does not kill me makes me stronger. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Friday, August 24, 2007

Oh Geeze ANOTHER post?! Do you not have a life???

Not actually. James and the boys are doing a sleepover... but only until 9 PM. Then they pack up the sleeping bags and go home.. how dumb is that?

ANYways the purpose is I grabbed this Poem from Lindsey Law's Facebook. I pretty much heart it.

Thank you Becca :) Its my favorite:

"Being Human" - Naimn

I wonder if the sun debates dawn
Some mornings
Not wanting to rise
Out of bed
From under the down-feather horizon
If the sky grows tired
Of being everywhere at once
Adapting to the mood swings
Of the weather
If clouds drift off
Trying to hold themselves together
Make deals with gravity
To loiter a little longer
I wonder if the rain is scared of falling
If it has trouble letting go
If snowflakes get sick
Of being perfect all the time
Each one trying to be one-of-a-kind
I wonder if stars wish
Upon themselves before they die
If they need to teach there young
How to shine
I wonder if shadows long
To once feel the sun
If they get lost in the shuffle
Not knowing where they're from
I wonder if sunrise and sunset
Respect each other
Even though they've never met
If volcanos get stressed
If storms have regrets
If compost believes in life after death
I wonder if breath
Ever thinks about suicide
If the wind just wants to sit
Still sometimes
And watch the world pass by
If smoke was born knowing how to rise
If rainbows get shy backstage
Not sure if their colors match right
I wonder if lightening sets an alarm clock
To know when to crack
If rivers ever stop
And think of turning back
If streams meet the wrong sea
And their whole life runs off track
I wonder if the snow wants to be black
If the soil thinks she's too dark
If butterflies want to cover up
Their marks
If rocks are self conscious of their weight
If mountains are insecure
Of their strength
I wonder if waves get discouraged
Crawling up the sand
Only to be pulled back again
To where they began
I wonder if land feels stepped upon
If sand feels insignificant
If trees need to question their lovers
To know where they stand
If branches waiver at the cross roads
Unsure of which way to grow
If the leaves understand
They're replaceable
And still dance when the wind blows
I wonder where the moon goes
When she is hiding
I want to find her there
And watch the ocean
Spin from a distance
Listen to her
Stir in her sleep
Effort give way to

Rhetorical Assignment One... assigned to myself , by myself

" Directions for Composition
Discuss the pros and cons of real, historical, or even fictitious laws. Use the following headings:
  • legality
  • justice
  • expediency
  • practicability
  • decency
  • consequences

Apthonius provides the example of opposing a law that requires an adulterer, taken in the act, to be killed."

Again it was REALLY slow in my office today. It was fun. Everyone was in a good mood because we made our numbers for the week and it is Friday.

But by three I had ALL my work done, my boss had left and I was Rhetoric-ing. I saw the above as an example of what the ancient students of classical rhetoric (Roman to Renaissance) would do. I was inspired. I went to the work room got a letter sized pad of ruled paper and started listing the pros and cons... I got confused an had to clarify at the top of the page who my audience is: Atheist children... I was going to do legislature... but that would be too hard... and I was going to do Christians or religious people... but that would be too easy.

I'm not nearly done with my first draft. I was reading up on another site and got discouraged because they would all do it as a class and try and better from the next student's arguments and consiceness... but I'm stuck with myself.

Perhaps I'll post it here when I'm done and the internet will act as critiques..

PS. Christy just texted me and I chatted with her for a while, it was REALLY fun. If you read this, Christy, "I love you" . < that dot is me waiving at you, only I'm SO far away that you can't see me well...

Hey, so...( I'm trying to be very cool and macho) what religion are you?


How is that for office chat at the scanner?

So I answer. I go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.


I'm Mormon.

No Shi.. oops I can't say that in front of you. I knew a Mormon in High School. That's cool. * porbably thinking, aw nuts... now I can't ask you out.

* thinking, that's right buster... I'm totally outta your league! ..and then there is the fact that I'M MARRIED!

So I heard that you can't eat chocolate or drink things with caffine...

We have been advised not to. BUT that does not stop my husband and brother from sucking on the Dr.Pepper.

I had to leave then because I was laughing so hard.

Thursday, August 23, 2007


I turn the music from this site WAYY up when I feel like busting a move:


I first hear "see it in a boy's eyes" at work... I dance around everytime it comes across the player...
I pretty much like all the other songs as well... I wish she'd put "bounce" back on the playlist...

I also really like "Some kind of Wonderful"... I forget who it's by...

Are Mormon's allowed to dance?

Our sales manages asks me this all the time.

Today everyone was standing around my desk as usual, we planned it that way... so I would be "in the know", chatting about loans and the crazy things borrowers do and Alex looks over and says :

"Are you drinking Coffee?!"

"No, it's my hot chocolate :)"

"Oh, cause your not allowed to drink things with caffine or coffee."

"I don't drink coffee..."

"You can't drink either, isn't that right?"

From Matt (possibly my favorite co-worker) " You can't drink?!"

"No." *thinking to myself... okay guys, I know we went over this my first week here when the branch went out to Bennigan's for a farewell party. Remember... I had the water....Matt, you were the one to grab the waiter and demand my beverage when the waiter forgot it. We made a big deal about the fact that I don't drink.

At this point everyone is looking right at me and I can feel the fire rising in my face. I hate blushing, so I worked hard on trying to blush... which one can never do, and it uaually stops the event from progressing...

Variations on "That's wierd... or I could never do that." from all the co-workers as they walk away form my desk to their offices.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I happened upon an informative site: Silva Rhetoricae.

It's pretty nifty.

The housing market is in a slump and so instead of being SWAMPED like we are supposed to be, it's dead slow in our office. So I have been learning all about rhetoric when there is nothing else to do.

The coolest part is application. When Someone else is droning on and on about something I really could not care less about, I start to analyze their style and stuff. AND I have to pay attention to what they are saying to do it, so I can answer the odd question with ease. Much more entertaining.
Next step is application in my own communications.

"Watch out world, Here I come!"

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Here are videos' one and two... if you are interested.

The segue from video one to video two is:

Aidan grabbing at the camera/ phone.

Arren- Hey!

Aidan- wanna do ah video ofh me?

Arren- mmm, Okay.

Listen close... it's there!

Video of Greyson's ACTUAL birthday.. the party was the following weeking

So this is the third of three videos of our adventures at Casa Ole. They took FOREVER!!

The funny part is Grey's face at about 6 minutes into the video... if you wait out the rest you will understand and appreciate what I'm talking about. ;)

Additionally, I wish the lighting was better but at least there is SOME picture. An audio recording simply would not do it justice. And the music gets annoying... it's that base thump,thump, thumping in the background.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Quigley family boys

Are they not cute?I miss these guys. There is a whole there.


Tarah has national diving tourney in Dallas, so the whole family came up to visit

We went to the Dallas Aquarium. It was cool.

Mollusks I think...
Sloth, he was out in the open air. No cage for this guy.
Seahorses anchored to the floor for nap time.
Manatee and a HUGE fish

Lampray eel
Jaguire. She is beautiful.
Geckos... think Geico.


Grey's birthday!!

Greyson is 6!We had a superhero party.

Dad and Grey and Scott made the cookie cake from scratch.

Dad adn Grey decorated it.

We put streamers up at the pool.
Then we partied with some friends.

Stuffs that have happened in the interm

James got a piano. It's a upright grand. It is very heavy.

We were up until 4:30 moving this thing into his apartment. After our lever system failed us, we left it sitting in the stairwell while we ran to Walmart and purchased a pulley.

It was also very dirty.

I had fun... but then again I was not supporting it like Scott did.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

if you can't make you mind up, we'll never get started... And I don't want to wind up being parted broken hearted...

I would like to clarify my aversion to online journals... I'm not a positive journal writer... I write to channel my anger, so it ends up looking like I'm never happy.

I'd wish to influence the perception other get of me so they think I am nice, and happy... perhaps then they will like me.

That will have to happen in real life.

ah, I remember a trick I use in a real journal.

I am loved.

Repeating this mantra at the close of my journal entries brings some positive karma back to an otherwise bleak entry.

does everyone's oney dissappear like mine does?

I mean seriously.

I make ...*calculates* just over 1,100 a month. So that's almost 14,000 a year.

Not a ton of money... but we stay in the lower tax bracket!
I pay all the bills and finance insurance and should have a hundred left over at the end of the month... so why can't we buy groceries!?!?

Why when I have a second job JUST so I can get myself new clothes can I still not get groceries... I'm not using it on clothes I'll tell you that!

Where is it going to?

And why the heck is Scott not going out there every day to help out our financial bind?? That's why he is not is school right now, so he can make enough money to buffer us against any calamity happening. And so we can afford food. and gas. and perhaps a treat every now and again. I have a huge wish list at the Loft...

On another note...

I really like my job. I don't want to stop working there any time soon... but the pull to have a LIFE with a family and kids and all that is getting to me.

Curse the weaknesses in me that allow these thoughts to take over.
Bad devil.


On a third note, I really don't understand the public aversion to discussing how much money you bring in. I'm not afraid to let everyone know. 14.5 and 8.65 an hour.

Maybe I could use some help managing the money... but I don't have many variables to manage... bills and more bills take up all but about a hundred every month.

all well.

Moving sucks!

We finally have internet again, so hopefully I will be slightly more diligent....

Walking through the maze of crap to get to the computer that is in the furthest most corner of our apartment is not fun...

But it is nice to have shampoo AND conditioner, makeup, and nail polish again. I thought I'd not miss them for 'just a month' ...boy was I wrong!!

Oh, and we are catalouging about a third of the stuff before we put it away... only I have taken two pictures so far... it's been a week... not good. Our storage room was ravaged by contractors while they were renovating our apartment. Broken dishes, busted picture frames... ruined a set,that... and ruined bed frame... we are sleeping on the floor again.

I chatted with a lawyer friend who counseled me not to contract his services... he's in a BIG firm and charges 350 an hour. But he gave me some advice about how to go about getting compensation for our trouble as well as the damages.

Add to that my little family has been ripped away from me... and I have been one cranky lady the past while.

Sorry to persons I have not called, or been chatty to while spending time together. I'm just not feeling up to it.

Perhaps I will up my meds... adult strength... hey, hey!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

I love family History

in the form of stories told. They are so wonderful...

Today i learned a pearl of wisdom: My gret uncle's dad sat him down and had a chat when Gary was about 14. " son, you think I'm pretty smart now. In a few months you'll think I'm as dumb as they come."
It helped him with the teenage years. Huh. Whodathunkit?

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

I must be going through a major something. My tummy has been in knots for the past two days.

I wish I could pinpoint what it is... I have some ideas but they are sketchy... and don't really give me any comfort.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

playing at the pool

I had a fun time laying at the pool today. James and I played monkey in the middle with Grey. Grey told me I was not very good at that game. It was tons of fun, I was out of breath the whole afternoon. Then I ripped open James' chest and pounded my knee into the wall at the same time. James told Scott " She's really competative!" and it was fun because James actually kept playing with me. Scott hates competition so I never get to play like that with him.... no monkey in the middle for me, just DUMB games like 'lets annoy Arren and then do it (whatever it is) one more time after she asks me to stop... just to see her get mad'. It's not my favorite game.

Doctors and checkups and PILLS!!

Woo hoo.

I went to the doctor on Friday. I got a recomendation from a family friend who uses her and works for Lennar and so we have the exact same medical insurance and coverage and stuff.

Dr. Garrett is great. I had my first ever well woman check up. Yes, it really is cold. I told her I needed to get back on Welbutrin... please. and that I was feeling a little bloated and generally stuffy. When I told her depresson runs in the family along with cancer, diabetes, and lazy eye... she gave me three perscriptions. Welbutrin, an anti inflamitory and birth control?!?!

I told her of my horrific experiences last time I took oral contraceptives. Everything backfired and it was longer stronger and in bed for two or more days instead of just one... yuck to say the least.
Evidently this go round I'll be working towards a bloodless cycle WooHoo! BUT it may take up to a year to get the tissue build up cleared and the hormones to not build up more tissue. I can wait because I told my boss I'd be there at least three years and I'll be at home with a baby when we have one, thank you very much.

But now I'm back on my meds... for one pills-worth so I'm not really feeling any different, still light headed, crabby and tired, but not nauseus any more! I'm excited to stop shaking and to get on a regular eating cycle again.

Oh and hopefully I'll be working out again soon. Crystal is back in town, and she wants to work out so when she has her baby in 5 months she'll lose weight faster and stuff. My visiting teacher is all over working out too, just to keep fit, but getting up as early as she'd need to is not so fun. ALSO Mike nd Janika said they'd like to come over and work out in the evenings. That'd be awesome... so perhaps Ill get my act together and actually DO it sometime.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Great happenings!

I have actually had a great time since I have been without internet... I wonder what correlations you might make with that... hmmm

I had a great VT experience last night.
Awesome times with the nephews, birthdays ets...
Great chats with Crystal

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Raf / Ann Taylor Loft / kids

While working at the Loft last night my manager Raf, and I had a great time catching up on our lives. I have not worked with him in about 2 months.

It was really fun. He is one of those poeple I really connect with... like a bosom friend... from Ann of Green Gables... [edit, the phrase is different for this kind of friendship; bosom friends share you deepest secrets and stuff like that. Raf is more like a Kindred Spirit. Someone with whom you feel a connection even if you have just met them.]

I had a dream where we went to his house for dinner and he had like 10 kids... He and his wife only have one daughter... it was a really fun dream.

It was super to go into work and have him come up and say HI! and give me a hug baceause he missed working with me... and to hear he thought of me as he was watching AnimalPlanet, because I like animals. and all that stuf...

James said that working there fills parts of my cup that don't get filled otherwise... He's totally right. I'm still filled the next day... It'll b a huge blow to get me off this high.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Off my meds and back on the angry music... perchance bitter music is a better description...

here's my newest favorite. "Knock 'Em Out" by Lily Allen

Kudos to my cousin Lori for hooking me up.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Megan asked what I meant by "ready made"...

Here you go.

"Ready made" as in I am throwing the world's largest tantrum that James is leaving... and I'm trying to pass it off like I am an adult.

"Ready made" as in I am the aunt/ surrogate mom when the boys come over. You know 'just add water (Greyson and Aidan)' and you have a complete family with uncles and cousins...well pictures of them anyways.

"Ready made" as in I'm totally up for adoption... always have been. BUT I'm the freaking bread winner here so THAT'S not gonna happen. (I'm NOT OK with our family turning into Uncle Kieth's.. where Scott is the stay at home Dad and then I die.)

"Ready made" as in I get all the advantages of "family" without going though pregnancy... which is evidently horrible in my family... or labor... or the first nine months' of sleeplessness.

"Ready made" as in I sick of the newly wed CRAP that we have been going through for three frekin years. I'm ready four our family to mature. Ready for Scott to mature. Ready for SOMETHING!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Babies, Babies EVERYWHERE!!

You know when you never notice, say, a particular model of a car until you buy one? Then it's everywhere!!

I'm noticing babies all over the freaking place! Everyone is either having babies, just had babies or is adopting pets (aka their baby) or posting about pregnancy and deliveries...

I don't even need a test to know that I'm not pregnant... so why am I noticing the kids?!?

The other day I was bemoaning the fact that James is moving (tomorrow is the sad day) no... We were looking at houses and Scott mentioned he could start a family in the house that he really liked. I said something to the effect that James could stay living with us if we moved out to that part of town.
Then Scott said that we'd want our own family, not a ready-made one.

I dunno, ready made is working great for me so far.

I've been thinking about ready made families a lot after Scott's comment.

Ready made is still sounding good.

Oh James, don't leave and take your ready made family away from me...

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

ta da!

I have succumb to the world of internet -come and read it if you can find it - journaling.