From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield

Friday, September 28, 2007


I think I'll be writing in a real journal about this one. Sorry you'll have to wait until I'm dead to find out what is going on. :)

Monday, September 17, 2007

This MUST be a placeholder...

I know I had ton's that I was going to write about... and now I can't think of a thing. Well, I can but I will save them for a real journal... like a book that you write in. OR I could just chat those thought out with Crystal in the morning...

Oh, one of the things was that tomorrow is Jame's court date to start divorce proceedings. I've got very mixed feelings. I was telling a co worker today that the little angels on my shoulders are really having it out. Scott is going with James. They will leave at I may leave for work then too. I have 30 mins I need to make up. I was sick all over the toilet the other day. ...

bad French Onion soup at 1:30 AM at a bar while you are watching Monday Night Football does not sit well with me. I just learned that.

Empty nest or no... well it's probably definitely empty nest syndrome... nonetheless; I really miss my boys. I hope I get to see them soon.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

On working out.

Crystal and I have started working out again. It's nice to get up in the mornings and start the day off right. I even have time to do my make-up well now. WooHoo, I got some compliments/second looks at work on Friday. I am taking it as a good thing.

We have also been playing volleyball at Yucatan on Friday nights. The first week I was REALLY sore, but this week I can feel where I used muscle groups more than normal but it's not bad.

I also had some super helpers teaching me the 'how' of the game. Este was my favorite teacher from last night. Thanks!

Now Scott wants the computer and i must relinquish my grip on the out-side cyber world.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So I have taken the time to read over the comments left me on my older posts. I have commented back on quite a few. Check it out.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Who sorts the mail?

How dare he!

I work really hard to do things really well and I take pride in my work. Who does he think he is to question my competence at my job! I "sort the mail", and I don't lose the bills. I have procedures. I have standards that I hold myself to. I work well because I allow myself to be anal about the job I am doing. Whatever it is. If the bill is missing, it's because I NEVER GOT IT!

"Stupid Fetcher!" - quote from Morrowind

If you can't read the e-mail I sent you why are you in Corporate management?!
I don't need some one who cannot read to be telling me that I am not doing my job well. Not to mention that I had FIXED the problem as much as is possible. And THEN I went to him. Geeze, It's not like I'm asking for a lot. Just look up the payment history, Tell the stupid people that we have either payed them already and they are retarded, or that we haven't. Not that it was Arren's fault. I have filled out the payment request and sent them in to YOU at corporate. And then I will fill out another request that I requested in advance, and we will pay them. There is no need to freak out my manager. No reason to be rude to me.

AH, done venting. I think.

now that I am more rational... He might not have meant to be so offensive. It was my decision to take the comment personally. I don't need to hang on to it. But I do need to let my manager know about it. * sharp nod* . Yes. First thing tomorrow. And if he tries to pull anything tomorrow, I'll go straight away to management... no matter if she has left or not. I have the cell numbers. I don't need to take any more steps down that path, anger and the dark side lie there...


I think I am good at doing these numbers. WOOHOO! It's like the first time ever.
K. so 'he' gets these emails where I have spelled out in detail what is going on. But he evidently can't read or can't add and subtract. It makes perfect sense to me and I can explain it to him or anyone using the numbers. Never thought I was that good at math. who knew!

I'm still upset that he is not moving past the first e-mail. Evidently not reading about what is going on and all. But I am feeling much better now.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

passwords...shhh it's a secret

So I have a general password. for just about everything.

I use it at work and add number combinations behind it to differentiate between passwords that are "used" and therefore no longer valid.

So I was doing some banking stuffs and I had to call USAA. I had to set up a password because they will no longer be asking me to identify myself my telling them my fathers birth year... who knows that anyways... ( me! I guessed and it was right!!)

so I gave him the password and then they need a "hint" word. So if I forget my password They can give me a hint.

My hint word is a common weed... and it has NOTHING to do with my password.

So I was at work, trying NOT to think about the 50 odd co-workers that got laid off today... including my week one match-up in Fantasy Football... and I contemplated the irony that my common weed would make me thing of my password.

I'm home now and I'm still trying not to think about it. I can only handle so much of people I am close to being ripped away from my sphere of influence. Today's layoff has so over tipped the scale that I'm numb. In addition to James, in addition to the boys.

SO here are my thoughts.

Memories sometimes come with smells, salt free eggs and toast are the smell of early morning seminary. Sometimes they come with sounds, when I hear "Where's the girl" from the Scarlet Pimpernel I am transported back to the musical and the palpable tension the actor and actress brought to the music.

I have a plant memory. Just a common garden weed, but The feelings it's name evokes are overwhelmingly powerful to me.

This common weed is the memory of my cousins coming to visit. We were showing off our friends, their houses, and beach, and Texas in general. By the Nielson's old house on Oil Field Rd, there were longhorns. Naturally they were a stop on our tour of Sugar Land. I was so happy that they were there and so proud to have fantastical beasts and what not to show off. Aunt Jenell commented on a weed that was growing throughout the pasture. We picked the flowers and admired them. It was such a great memory, not outstanding in wonders or insight, but infused with contented joy.

Years later I was setting up my very first e-mail. I needed a user name and I picked one, probably something dumb, and was then required to enter a password. I remember the excitement of this moment. My stomach was all in knots. I was making an E-MAIL!! I was really grown up now! I picked my password (which is the same one I have used ever since.. I'm loyal like that :P) and they asked for a prompt. I remembered vividly for some reason the summer that my cousins came to visit. The common weed that we had admired seemed to epitomize the experience and has become a symbol of something beautiful and perfect, and happy. I was feeling happiness and wonder and excitement akin to that summer and named the weed as my prompt.

Later I realized that I could have ANOTHER e-mail address. I also realized how dumb my first one was. So I picked another much cooler name, but I was having trouble coming up with a password. My original password had a connection to my e-mail address via a movie I like so it was easier from then on to remember my password. The three words, my user name, password and prompt are now intrinsically locked together in a memory of the wonder of making my first e-mail address and the feeling of ultimate happiness.

So the memory of a weed really does remind me of my password; even though they are really truly not related in any other way.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Whas'goin on...

I just finished writing out a letter to our apartment explaining why they needed to pay us 2 or 3k. They rifled through and broke/ damaged our stuff.

They will pay.

We have no bed... just a mattress on the floor. Oh, yes, they will be paying us back for the damages and the time.

In Addition.

Jen has left with my nephews. She left James on a whim and is in Washington for an undetermined amount of time. I miss my boys.

In addition. I joined the fantasy football league at work.

I have no idea how football works, much less fantasy football...

In Addition.

I met Wes Staub and his wife Katie at a volleyball game last night. I grew up with his family and now he is living in our old ward in Richardson. Also there at the game was a guy I am SURE was in my study hall Sophomore year of HS.... Chris... I'm just sure, I'll have to go to another game and ask him.

Hey did you flirt with me in study hall back in high school??


Tha's about it.

Oh, yeah, and Scott just bought me a new washer and dryer!! THIS washer and dryer.