From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield

Saturday, July 28, 2007

playing at the pool

I had a fun time laying at the pool today. James and I played monkey in the middle with Grey. Grey told me I was not very good at that game. It was tons of fun, I was out of breath the whole afternoon. Then I ripped open James' chest and pounded my knee into the wall at the same time. James told Scott " She's really competative!" and it was fun because James actually kept playing with me. Scott hates competition so I never get to play like that with him.... no monkey in the middle for me, just DUMB games like 'lets annoy Arren and then do it (whatever it is) one more time after she asks me to stop... just to see her get mad'. It's not my favorite game.

Doctors and checkups and PILLS!!

Woo hoo.

I went to the doctor on Friday. I got a recomendation from a family friend who uses her and works for Lennar and so we have the exact same medical insurance and coverage and stuff.

Dr. Garrett is great. I had my first ever well woman check up. Yes, it really is cold. I told her I needed to get back on Welbutrin... please. and that I was feeling a little bloated and generally stuffy. When I told her depresson runs in the family along with cancer, diabetes, and lazy eye... she gave me three perscriptions. Welbutrin, an anti inflamitory and birth control?!?!

I told her of my horrific experiences last time I took oral contraceptives. Everything backfired and it was longer stronger and in bed for two or more days instead of just one... yuck to say the least.
Evidently this go round I'll be working towards a bloodless cycle WooHoo! BUT it may take up to a year to get the tissue build up cleared and the hormones to not build up more tissue. I can wait because I told my boss I'd be there at least three years and I'll be at home with a baby when we have one, thank you very much.

But now I'm back on my meds... for one pills-worth so I'm not really feeling any different, still light headed, crabby and tired, but not nauseus any more! I'm excited to stop shaking and to get on a regular eating cycle again.

Oh and hopefully I'll be working out again soon. Crystal is back in town, and she wants to work out so when she has her baby in 5 months she'll lose weight faster and stuff. My visiting teacher is all over working out too, just to keep fit, but getting up as early as she'd need to is not so fun. ALSO Mike nd Janika said they'd like to come over and work out in the evenings. That'd be awesome... so perhaps Ill get my act together and actually DO it sometime.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Great happenings!

I have actually had a great time since I have been without internet... I wonder what correlations you might make with that... hmmm

I had a great VT experience last night.
Awesome times with the nephews, birthdays ets...
Great chats with Crystal

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Raf / Ann Taylor Loft / kids

While working at the Loft last night my manager Raf, and I had a great time catching up on our lives. I have not worked with him in about 2 months.

It was really fun. He is one of those poeple I really connect with... like a bosom friend... from Ann of Green Gables... [edit, the phrase is different for this kind of friendship; bosom friends share you deepest secrets and stuff like that. Raf is more like a Kindred Spirit. Someone with whom you feel a connection even if you have just met them.]

I had a dream where we went to his house for dinner and he had like 10 kids... He and his wife only have one daughter... it was a really fun dream.

It was super to go into work and have him come up and say HI! and give me a hug baceause he missed working with me... and to hear he thought of me as he was watching AnimalPlanet, because I like animals. and all that stuf...

James said that working there fills parts of my cup that don't get filled otherwise... He's totally right. I'm still filled the next day... It'll b a huge blow to get me off this high.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Off my meds and back on the angry music... perchance bitter music is a better description...

here's my newest favorite. "Knock 'Em Out" by Lily Allen

Kudos to my cousin Lori for hooking me up.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Megan asked what I meant by "ready made"...

Here you go.

"Ready made" as in I am throwing the world's largest tantrum that James is leaving... and I'm trying to pass it off like I am an adult.

"Ready made" as in I am the aunt/ surrogate mom when the boys come over. You know 'just add water (Greyson and Aidan)' and you have a complete family with uncles and cousins...well pictures of them anyways.

"Ready made" as in I'm totally up for adoption... always have been. BUT I'm the freaking bread winner here so THAT'S not gonna happen. (I'm NOT OK with our family turning into Uncle Kieth's.. where Scott is the stay at home Dad and then I die.)

"Ready made" as in I get all the advantages of "family" without going though pregnancy... which is evidently horrible in my family... or labor... or the first nine months' of sleeplessness.

"Ready made" as in I sick of the newly wed CRAP that we have been going through for three frekin years. I'm ready four our family to mature. Ready for Scott to mature. Ready for SOMETHING!

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Babies, Babies EVERYWHERE!!

You know when you never notice, say, a particular model of a car until you buy one? Then it's everywhere!!

I'm noticing babies all over the freaking place! Everyone is either having babies, just had babies or is adopting pets (aka their baby) or posting about pregnancy and deliveries...

I don't even need a test to know that I'm not pregnant... so why am I noticing the kids?!?

The other day I was bemoaning the fact that James is moving (tomorrow is the sad day) no... We were looking at houses and Scott mentioned he could start a family in the house that he really liked. I said something to the effect that James could stay living with us if we moved out to that part of town.
Then Scott said that we'd want our own family, not a ready-made one.

I dunno, ready made is working great for me so far.

I've been thinking about ready made families a lot after Scott's comment.

Ready made is still sounding good.

Oh James, don't leave and take your ready made family away from me...

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

ta da!

I have succumb to the world of internet -come and read it if you can find it - journaling.