From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"Bad cat ... Girl" I can't remember the HTML for strikethrough...

Here are some pictures:

"Bad Cat" Drawn by my best friend Christy... don't know why but it came to mind... oh yeah, it's because I've been neglecting my blog.

This is my very so inadequate attempt to capture a precious moment during Stake Conference once. I saw this new family in front of me and thought "This is how it is supposed to be."

If YOU have ever had a pet guniea pig you will know that this is a not to bad representation of what they look like... we had two Vanilla and Hershey... good times.

This is one of my favorite pictures ... so much expression. Oh and you can kinda see the weasel one the next page...

We had a fun FHE with the Skembo's last night. I did a lesson on journals and the kids participated and smiled and said thank you and it made me feel like I was doing a good job.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

And as a result of NOT taking medication... this:

I was flipping through blogs and tried like five times to post comments to my friends. Unfortunately I couldn't think of anything nice to say so I said nothing at all. I still love you, but you will get no comments out of me until I can get my emotions under wraps!

That sounds harsh... I could think of lots of nice things to say, there are so many exciting things going on in everyone's lives. So much to be grateful for and to congratulate people on. What I couldn't do was think of something nice to say that would not end up with something to the effect of: "that's great for you, but I feel even MORE like a piece of poo now that I see your life progressing the way I WANT my life to go...and here I am 'stuck on the front of this stupid ship... could be worse I could be stuck in the audience ho ho ho...' (oh wait I am)

I want an amazing husband who works hard and brings home the bacon, I want to have a fulfilling hobby and wear cute aprons and take care of the house, I want to have kiddos and blog all about them, I want to foster and adopt children with or without bearing my own, I want a million bucks and a silver pony, and if I can't have that I want my brother and his kids around so I can close my eyes and pretend. Dang it!

As it is I have to give a shout out to Mike who was kind enough to give me a priesthood blessing. Thanks for thinking of me!

I got a Dictionary of Real Estate Terms so I can learn more about my industry... I want to be a super star at my job but I'm frustrated at how long it is taking me to learn everything. I'm covering nine positions. Six of them either are a full time job that someone has walked out on and I'm (helping to)covering for or the VP's whom I work with are used to having a staff or a personal assistant. Each of them. Last I counted I'm just one person... so learning six staff and or personal assistant jobs is taking more time than I'd like. Tuesday I had my 90 day review. My strengths are limited to (according to my review) being friendly, taking initishitave however the heck you spell it and 'keeping my desk clean and organized'. hmm. My areas of improvement focus on the fact that I've only been there 90 days and they are not giving me clear direction. When I write it out it does not sound so bad, but during the review I started to cry. I have tried SO HARD to get things right. The examples of what I am doing wrong are all singular events given by one person who gives terrible direction. When I act on those directions word for word from what she said, I'm now counseled that I'm doing an insufficient job. It made me so confused and upset. What the heck more do you want from me?!? FedEx or Certified Return Receipt? Cause you said BOTH and I did BOTH. Geeze! Pant pant pant. What I got out of the interview that was not so terribly depressing is that I need to communicate to EVERYONE when I will not be available to help with something or when I will be stationed somewhere else in the office for a day or two. And that e-mail notifications are preferable. Okay. And again I'm calm. Stressed and overwhelmed, but calm. Thank you and good-night. *bow*

'You're being anti-social'

So I am. So?

We had a very fun time going to a violin recital today with Skembo's... but playing with Mikey made me so homesick fpr my boys that I can't cope with going out and playing with them more... sorry guys. :(

AND I just remembered I'm over reacting like this because I forgot to take my meds. for two days. Oops.

But I'm back to normal looking... see no more chipmunk cheeks: (will upload those photos when i can...)

AND I got a letter today that my great friend just called off her wedding to the guy she has wanted to marry for about 6 years... I don't know the particulars, but it makes me sad. She was SO happy in her pictures...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Journal Entry

Here is what I remember of the day my wisdom teeth were removed. Again, good luck reading it. If you can read it, you are well on your way to becoming a historical document reader... I suspect that some 100+ yr old documents are a little clearer and easier to read.


Pictures of Day two... again I took one picture as I rolled out of bed and others after I had brushed my hair etc.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Of pictures I have been remis

Pictures from day one without Wisdom Teeth:

Scary I know...

Also here is what was important enough to write down that day. Like I said Talking was hard... Good luck reading it!

Day one - does anyone else try to sound out the 'words' in the security check thingies?

I'm working on writing out my memories of yesterday. it was slow going yesterday. I wrote the date and took a nap. finished a few paragraphs and took a nap etc. SO I'm thinking I'll just scan it in when I'm done. I don't want to over exert myself with writing and typing :P

Also Speaking was really difficult with wads of bloody gauze in my mouth so I started writing out what I wanted to say. I'll have to scan that in too... I have to concentrate hard on spelling things correctly and I don't do well when I'm coming out of sedation, so the parts with a huge scribble is my frustration when Scott told me I spelled something wrong AGAIN!

ugh. Who asked him to criticize my efforts at communication anyhow? Jerk. :P

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Tomorrow at 11 I'm going in to an office that is not my own. I will sit in a chair that is not nearly as comfortable as my own. AND I will allow myself to be sedated while people hover around and hurt me.


or could it be that the time has finally come to remove my smartest teeth so my dumber teeth will have room... and so I won't throw up from the pain induced nausea.

Hmmm good question.

Either way, wish me luck and eat lots of steaks for me. I'll be feasting on jell-o and applesauce and other yummy foods.