From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield



Thursday, May 1, 2008

'... and breaking up is hard to do...'

I mean 'waking up is hard'... wait I mean "Growing up is hard to do."

When I was in kindergarten I would play outside and chat with our neighbor when she came home from work. I told her that I wanted to be an adult already. She suggested I would not like it because I'd have to work all the time. Hmm, so now I'm an adult and I work all the time. I totally enjoy it. Going into the office, using ofice equipment, writing things on my white board... it's the fulfillment of a dream I've had for a long long time.

Now Time Management is kicking my trash.

My responsibilities are stressful, I'm not at the level of proficiency that I'd like to be and blah, blah, blah. When I had certain special people in my life, the tolls were not so strenuous, and I could remember to make time for doing fun things. And they usually worked out really well. And I made time to exercise. Now I'm feeling good just to do 20 push-ups a day... and my hips are showing the effects of the stress and neglect.

So I'm ready to move on again. Actually I was ready in High school to move on the the next big thing: parenting. I baby sat and read all the books I could find about kids, pregnancy, you name it... I talked with ladies who have kids. But I guess I'm still in 5th grade. Years past the conversation about wanting to be an adult, but still no where close to achieving it.

These things, these milestones in my life, that I have pined over for years on end are always so rewarding when they do happen. I don't regret wanting it and I really truly enjoy living it. Knowing that I can wait a bit for the next one.

But I was wondering what will my next milestone be? I'm putting in a vote at death...
Mile stones that other people have: baptism, driving, dating, graduation, college, marriage... not even on my milestone radar... so I'm assuming having kids grown and out of the house, travel or missions with Scott and whatever else will also not quite make the radar.

I don't know if I've mentioned it before but there is another dream I've wanted so much tear up just thinking about how much I want it.

"I love having a big brother who loves me, and helps me cook dinner, and gives me honest, good advise, and knows my husband, and let's me mother his boys when they come over, and teaches me about money, and teases me , and gives me honest compliments, and can share meds with me, and plays keep away and cheats so bad that his son says : "your not very good at this game" and is generally awesomeness personified. Having a dream come true feels good!" - thanks James for being my dream brother.

1 comment:

Janika said...

Thanks for putting your heart out. It took me years of being an adult, legally--even with kids and marriage--to feel more like an adult than one of the YW.

BTW, Mike mentioned to me that ever since the Sunday he blessed the babies, he has seen you more and more as a little sister. We both love you. Just a little more patience is all you need. You'll see