Moment of truth: I heard stories of how much a fastidious housekeeper Jen was, and I was appalled when I saw her house. There was always a mess everywhere! I mean everywhere. I kinda resented her for keeping her house so messy (how horrible is that???).
Then I heard her days of keeping tidy were before she had kids. I could NOT understand this. I nannied for years and was always careful to keep the kids and their environment clean. I assumed that when you had kids, the maternal instinct included the desire to keep your baby safe from choking hazards on the ground and infections / unclean dirt around their play and eating areas. But I was shown to be wrong.
When we moved to our new apartment I kept it clean. Not sterile, because ya know, I'm kinds a sloppy person. I was proud of the fact that I could keep house, even when James was living with us (and I was effectively living in a bachelor pad....)and most especially when his boys came over. I was determined to show them that living like they were was not the only way. (Again, how conceited was I??)
Then I got very really terribly stressed out and even though I was taking antidepressants, I felt that the task of keeping house on top of everything else was just too much. I tried to tell myself that I'd be able to get it done if I didn't ork all the time. But them Saturdays (and Sundays) would roll around and I could not make myself do it.
One day as I was searching through the pile of laundry that had not been washed in a month for something to wear, I had my epiphany. DUH! This is what happened to Jen! I know living with James was no picnic for her. I heard about it in her words and I got confirmation from James. It was stressful and she really tried to do her best. She weathered their storms so much better than I could have. James was a monstrous ogre to her ( and I love James, he is my brother by choice... not because I had to live with him.. :P ) and he treated her like crap. You could ask him and he'll tell you. He was trying to deal with his own demons and instead of beating those demons he took it out on Jen.
Through this ongoing trial she didn't fall away from the church, she didn't even break out in pimples like I always seem to do! SHe raised some of the most amazing little boys I know, got a little reclusive but was always willing to do the right thing and was a very diligent Visiting Teacher and feeder of missionaries. Really the only thing that suffered was her housekeeping. That's about it!
Now not to paint the roses red... she did get bitter and angry... but who wouldn't? Honestly?!
I can't believe how easy it is to let the things slip when life is so out of control. I'm grateful for the teaching moment, because I really don't resent her dirty house any more. I don't like it... and I certainly don't want to wake up and find myself in a similarly dirty house, but I feel like I understand so much more about life now.
And yesterday I started on the laundry that has been sitting in the closet for about 2 months now. And I had a wonderful helper come over and help me with the vacuuming that has not been done in about as long. Thanks Janika!! I feel like I'm on the road to recovery. AAh, bliss.
3 comments:
You were inspired, in part by the wonder of my homes dirtiness, too, I'd wager. My mom chose dirty house over sanity with 7 small children in the house--but then, for some people, dirty house=insanity. I am just trying to go the next step and make sure my kids have some sort of regular cleaning habits and expectations.
Keeping up with the Quigley's is a full time job, but so great and totally worth it. It is tough to keep house when life is crazy, it is usually the first thing to slack. As it should be, but with good habits in place it takes longer for things to get totally out of control. Our biggest problem is for sure laundry, I can never stay on top of things. Gosh, I think we all must have too much clothes. James is sweet to me, he helps out a lot around the house. I am sweet to him. Pretty much we are sweet and I don't get to see the ogre (hopefully not ever).
While I honestly believe that the only way to resolve a problem is to first accept responsibility for as much of the problem as possible, I also understand that one does not simply become an ogre overnight. Nor is it often the result of any one person. Rather circumstance and passion and the strain of tempestuous, natural-man earth-life, all combined with our best, imperfect efforts and the cauldron God prepares for us...all these things make it possible to go down the wrong path. The prince becomes the lonely prince...then the sad prince, then the recluse, then, out of touch with the peoples' needs, he makes poor decisions and is called a despot, rebellions raise up to which he answers --disconnected with force and before the story ends, the despot becomes an ogre.
All to make clear and glorious the reigning plan of the Atonement. The Ogre sees himself hurting his people's feelings. He repents, he grows, he unlevies the emotional taxes, he loves, he serves, he reaches out with polls and town-meetings, with service and love, with sacrifice and house-cleaning. And then the Princess must choose...cecession? or re-unification. All along the way are earmarks of the state of the kingdoms...the domains of the players. The housekeeping is often only a symptom of other items...prioritizations, and fears, emotional trials and sometimes, its simply a matter of time. The boys were read to. More important than the socks being folded, but maybe if things were in order both could have been accomplished. The bottom line and the lesson that you learned Arren--are the same. We don't know. We can't judge. Not the Ogre, not the Housekeeping, not the decision to cecede, not the messiness of the princes boys, and not even the cleanliness of the house or shocking beauty of the prince's body or the brilliant sky or prioritization of god. Many times we learn most and feel charity greatest when we simply recognize that things are. And that we can grow independant
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