From Diane Setterfield's The Thirteenth Tale

People disappear when they die. Their voices, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living mempry of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continut to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humour, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. It is a kind of magic.

--Diane Setterfield



Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"Bad cat ... Girl" I can't remember the HTML for strikethrough...

Here are some pictures:


"Bad Cat" Drawn by my best friend Christy... don't know why but it came to mind... oh yeah, it's because I've been neglecting my blog.



This is my very so inadequate attempt to capture a precious moment during Stake Conference once. I saw this new family in front of me and thought "This is how it is supposed to be."



If YOU have ever had a pet guniea pig you will know that this is a not to bad representation of what they look like... we had two Vanilla and Hershey... good times.



This is one of my favorite pictures ... so much expression. Oh and you can kinda see the weasel one the next page...


We had a fun FHE with the Skembo's last night. I did a lesson on journals and the kids participated and smiled and said thank you and it made me feel like I was doing a good job.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

And as a result of NOT taking medication... this:

I was flipping through blogs and tried like five times to post comments to my friends. Unfortunately I couldn't think of anything nice to say so I said nothing at all. I still love you, but you will get no comments out of me until I can get my emotions under wraps!

That sounds harsh... I could think of lots of nice things to say, there are so many exciting things going on in everyone's lives. So much to be grateful for and to congratulate people on. What I couldn't do was think of something nice to say that would not end up with something to the effect of: "that's great for you, but I feel even MORE like a piece of poo now that I see your life progressing the way I WANT my life to go...and here I am 'stuck on the front of this stupid ship... could be worse I could be stuck in the audience ho ho ho...' (oh wait I am)

I want an amazing husband who works hard and brings home the bacon, I want to have a fulfilling hobby and wear cute aprons and take care of the house, I want to have kiddos and blog all about them, I want to foster and adopt children with or without bearing my own, I want a million bucks and a silver pony, and if I can't have that I want my brother and his kids around so I can close my eyes and pretend. Dang it!

As it is I have to give a shout out to Mike who was kind enough to give me a priesthood blessing. Thanks for thinking of me!

I got a Dictionary of Real Estate Terms so I can learn more about my industry... I want to be a super star at my job but I'm frustrated at how long it is taking me to learn everything. I'm covering nine positions. Six of them either are a full time job that someone has walked out on and I'm (helping to)covering for or the VP's whom I work with are used to having a staff or a personal assistant. Each of them. Last I counted I'm just one person... so learning six staff and or personal assistant jobs is taking more time than I'd like. Tuesday I had my 90 day review. My strengths are limited to (according to my review) being friendly, taking initishitave however the heck you spell it and 'keeping my desk clean and organized'. hmm. My areas of improvement focus on the fact that I've only been there 90 days and they are not giving me clear direction. When I write it out it does not sound so bad, but during the review I started to cry. I have tried SO HARD to get things right. The examples of what I am doing wrong are all singular events given by one person who gives terrible direction. When I act on those directions word for word from what she said, I'm now counseled that I'm doing an insufficient job. It made me so confused and upset. What the heck more do you want from me?!? FedEx or Certified Return Receipt? Cause you said BOTH and I did BOTH. Geeze! Pant pant pant. What I got out of the interview that was not so terribly depressing is that I need to communicate to EVERYONE when I will not be available to help with something or when I will be stationed somewhere else in the office for a day or two. And that e-mail notifications are preferable. Okay. And again I'm calm. Stressed and overwhelmed, but calm. Thank you and good-night. *bow*

'You're being anti-social'

So I am. So?

We had a very fun time going to a violin recital today with Skembo's... but playing with Mikey made me so homesick fpr my boys that I can't cope with going out and playing with them more... sorry guys. :(

AND I just remembered I'm over reacting like this because I forgot to take my meds. for two days. Oops.

But I'm back to normal looking... see no more chipmunk cheeks: (will upload those photos when i can...)


EDIT
AND I got a letter today that my great friend just called off her wedding to the guy she has wanted to marry for about 6 years... I don't know the particulars, but it makes me sad. She was SO happy in her pictures...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Journal Entry

Here is what I remember of the day my wisdom teeth were removed. Again, good luck reading it. If you can read it, you are well on your way to becoming a historical document reader... I suspect that some 100+ yr old documents are a little clearer and easier to read.




Pictures!!

Pictures of Day two... again I took one picture as I rolled out of bed and others after I had brushed my hair etc.




Saturday, April 12, 2008

Of pictures I have been remis

Pictures from day one without Wisdom Teeth:

Scary I know...





Also here is what was important enough to write down that day. Like I said Talking was hard... Good luck reading it!

Day one - does anyone else try to sound out the 'words' in the security check thingies?

I'm working on writing out my memories of yesterday. it was slow going yesterday. I wrote the date and took a nap. finished a few paragraphs and took a nap etc. SO I'm thinking I'll just scan it in when I'm done. I don't want to over exert myself with writing and typing :P

Also Speaking was really difficult with wads of bloody gauze in my mouth so I started writing out what I wanted to say. I'll have to scan that in too... I have to concentrate hard on spelling things correctly and I don't do well when I'm coming out of sedation, so the parts with a huge scribble is my frustration when Scott told me I spelled something wrong AGAIN!

ugh. Who asked him to criticize my efforts at communication anyhow? Jerk. :P

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Tomorrow at 11 I'm going in to an office that is not my own. I will sit in a chair that is not nearly as comfortable as my own. AND I will allow myself to be sedated while people hover around and hurt me.

Masochist?

or could it be that the time has finally come to remove my smartest teeth so my dumber teeth will have room... and so I won't throw up from the pain induced nausea.

Hmmm good question.

Either way, wish me luck and eat lots of steaks for me. I'll be feasting on jell-o and applesauce and other yummy foods.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Franklin Covey

I have one. I found it. I am SO excited. Now, I have decreed, that I will not be so flippin freaked out by life.

I was telling my Visiting Teachers about my day Friday when I had a toothache that made me sick to my stomach and took some vikaden on an empty stomach and puked into my trash can at my desk... Allison suggested I have anxiety. Hmmm. Probably something to look into.

but back to my covey. I made a personal mission statement. It was fun... I even gave up rock band time to work on it. (that is impressive)

Here it is in all it's glory:

I am a spirit daughter of Deity who loves me. I will grow to become like my Father and Mother through:
Adaptability
Righteousness
Honesty
Cooperation
Loyalty
Integrity
Determination
Meekness
Graciousness
Knowledge
Charity and
a Healthy Lifestyle

I will banish each base emotion and forgive readily.
I will not fear for I know I am watched over and protected.
I am an example and I will teach as much as I learn.
I will learn as much as possible.
I will hold faith and family first.
I will become the best person I am able.
I will not look to others for a measure of my personal progression.
I will accept myself.
I will achieve exaltation.

Angela said it was good...like 'general authority good'. *cheesy smile*

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

after a week of frustration I have remembered my yahoo login. now I can track college basketball and hockey and whatever else...
my life consists of waking up late and getting to work in dirty clothes about 30 minutes late. every day. Posture be hanged, I am hunched with stress that you may be tempted to call me "Quazi" the next time we meet. It's okay, I'll understand. Then Stress stress stress at work and rush home to get the car to scott and then go with him and sit around with no computer/ internet/ anything to do/ sometimes dinner. then home and bed. all this leaves little time for productive pursuits like laundry and cooking and cleaning... thus the dirty clothes each day... if you iron them, they don't look dirty and febreeze helps them not smell dirty, HA fooled you didn't i. and showers are a sometimes thing. ew. that's gross... but i appreciate them so much more when I do take one...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I got to talk to the boys today!
They are such great and wonderful kids. Dad got a trampoline and they were setting it up and it was raining but not with 'those hard ones'(sleet/hail). They got the ball thing set up and had a big party when they put the balls in. Grey is ?sharing a room with Aidan? and has a door to the garage from hos room and they are thinking about getting a dog or a cat or something because they have a doggy door. Grey would like to get a cute puppy. How is school? good. They have a pretty big backyard and that's where they are putting up the trampoline. It's a circle trampoline and they are not putting in the springs but Dad is setting up the netting that goes around the sides to keep them safe. The trampoline is a circle but the net is a square so Dad is trying to get it *unintelligible* together. and they have a apple tree and some plants under the porch. They guy who had the house before planted his plants and one of the trees was real close to the porch and it grew so big that he had to cut away part of the porch so his plant could grow. Aidan was looking at pictures of me as we talked. It helps him 'put a face to the name'. hehe. It was weird to hear James tell them that aunt Arren is on the phone... I mean what other Arren IS there? Come on.

I have been day dreaming up ways to decorate James' house... poor guy didn't know what hit him when he got me as a sister! We'll come up for Grey's birthday in July, but I'd like to go up sooner than that for a weekend paint-and decorate-the house excursion. Perhaps. First we are finishing our bed. FINALLY we will not have to sleep on the floor! and Scott has his manhood restored to him in the form of power tools. :P I have done a beautiful job staining them and by tomorrow night it will be completed. Come over and have a look.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

bah

Well that's not a good way to start off a post, I know!

However that's how I feel. The weeks are dragging by so slowly. Tuesdays are the day from hell and it just the beginning of the week! AHHH!

I've tricked myself into going to the guy the past couple nights. It's fun to feel like I'm being healthy again... sorta.

I'm REALLY REALLY out of shape. I was doing an average of 5.5 mph today and I could only go for about 35 minutes. Hmm. Not quite up to the Andrus standard... But someday i will be fit and cute like Britta. I probably could have pushed it to 40 minutes but I almost fell off as it was. Then I worked on my arms and hips, cause you KNOW those need workin' on. Or maybe you don't. They do.

I'm singing in our ward's production of Women at the Well. I got the smallest insy-tiny song. I fell kinda bummed cause I used to be a good vocalist. I WON MEDALS FOR SINGING! But I have not sung anything since we got married, so I guess I'm out of shape in that area too.

I'm feeling homesick for family, too. I miss the encouragement and positive attitudes.

PS Jamies, I can't find an old guy to blow a kiss to. What should I do?

Friday, February 29, 2008

A Story

I'll have to find it...
Once upon a time there was a little bunny that loved the rain. He’d hop and twirl among the raindrops.

He lived in the desert so he didn’t get a chance to play in the rain very often. No one else would play with him because they were afraid of the rain.

One day as he was hopping through the shadows of a desert scrub, when he heard the sky crakck and huge raindrops pelted down. He ran home to let his mom know it was raining. Then he jumped and twirled right back into the rainstorm.

He danced and played for longer than ever, but the rain never stopped. He grew tired of so much hopping and frolicking, so he just started lippity lopping from soggy mound of sand to sandy mush.

The puddles between the sand dunes got bigger and bigger. But the little bunny was not afraid. He was curious why this rain shower was so much longer than any other rainstorm.

As he hopped and trotted further and further from his burrow he met another bunny that was traversing the storm. She was looking up and around with wonder. They sniffed each other’s noses and ears before lolloping through the dunes together.

After ages and ages and more rain than the both of them had ever seen they came across another strange sight. A massive dark shape loomed up from the soggy desert sand.

“This much be what is causing the rain,” thought the bunny and he hopped up to ask it to stop. The bunny could find no face to talk to and he hopped around the shape with his new friend right at his back. They came to a bridge from the ground into the dark shape.

The bunnies sniffed and sniffed the wooden bridge. As they sniffed they started climbing in to the bridge. When he was done sniffing, the bunny thought it was time to go. The bridge was just wood and not tasty wood, at that.

He looked down and almost tripped over his friend bunny in surprise. The rain had covered the ground all around them.

The bunny’s friend jumped into the lake that was swelling around them. She swam until the bunny almost lost sight of her. He was lonely now and hunched against the never-ending rain.

He heard some splashing and saw his new friend paddling back. He watched with wonder as she scrambled onto the bridge.

They were stuck alone and drenched on a bridge from the lake that had been their home to the dark shape above them.

After a while the bunnies got restless. They sniffed at the dark shape and took a step towards it. Then another step and before they realized it they were inching toward the dark shape.

The closer they got the wider and darker it became. The bunny looked around him once or twice but all he could see was rain falling into the depths around him.

His friend stopped suddenly and sat up. She turned one eye toward the dark shape, then the other. The bunny followed her lead. As he looked at the mass before him he saw something that had not been there before.

A light shone from the midst of the darkness in front of them. It was a welcoming light, like the sunshine on a new day.

The bunnies started moving infinitely faster. Then they heard a voice above them then. It was an old voice and kindly, but they could not understand it.

They started to hop to the light and the voice. Presently they came to the end of the bridge. The light shone into their eyes and they could see a doorway into the darkness.

Inside were all sorts of animals. The bunnies felt the warmth from dry hay and crowds of other animals. They were tired of being wet and they hopped in the arc just as the water rose high enough that the bridge fell from the door.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

A love note from my brother:

Or rather a subtle threat...

Oh, you'll have to wait to see it... I've got to upload it :P

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I love my visiting teachers

They asked me, before they left tonight, if it bothered me that we never get together for less than 3 hours.


It TOTALLY does not! I love these girls.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Yesterday my sister came to Grand Prairie for a Winterguard competition.

We went to watch her of course, but it was a LONG day. Grand Prairie is not that far away but getting up at 6:30 or 7 on the day I am supposed to be able to sleep in was hard on my body... nah, not really. I could care less about that.

We met Dad at the High school, but first we needed cash for the tickets. So we ran out to the car and drove to a gas station to use their ATM. Only it was out of order!! Dad called and we met him at the ticket counter / folding table. He fronted us the money and we had to RUN in to the gym. A group had just started and they woun't let you walk to a seat while someone is preforming. Lucky us! It was the group BEFORE Emma's. So we got there RIGHT in time to see her.

She was very good and never dropped anything (saber, gun or flag). I was not. I BAWLED through the whole performance. I saw her walk onto the floor, waved to her and started to cry. I have no idea why. As I type this I am starting to cry again. *I wish I was a little more aware of my actual feelings and emotions rather than what they do to me* We stayed to watch other teams compete, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I was proud of myself for not crying when the other Clement's team competed and did REALLY well. I saw Nelli Morton and thought I would cry again, but I held my stupid tears in check. I recognized a lot of the school names and we stayed until the Coppell team competed.

Then we dashed like bandits. Well we walked all over the building and found the Clement's team and said "hi" to Emma and Nelli and Kelly Mecham. Brother and Sister Mecham sat next to us and it was fun to see them and talk to them again. I know Leslie was a guard, but I was not quite sure why they had come to watch until I saw Kelly.

We went to find the Kimball Art Museum. Along the way we passed the 'special' campus James was at as a child. We found the Arlington Museum o Art. It was closed! So we had a picnic outside.

The Kimball museum was super. I loved looking at the pictures and sculptures and was SO happy when there was more to see than the African Tribal masks downstairs. I walked around until my stomach hurt, which is a weird physiological phenomenon known only to occur in me. My stomach hurts if I eat and stand up for any length of time. If I don't hurt my back hurts. So either way I can't stand for long periods of time. I get weak and would probably pass out if I don't sit down when I start to hurt. Anywho. When i was sufficiently in pain. I got Scott and we sat down and when Dad came to join us, He was our excursion accomplice, we decided it was time to go. But Scott had no way of showing we were there THEN. We only went to a of cultural interest because he has a school assignment to go. Se we perused the gift shop. I found the COOLEST thing. There was SO much I could have taken home with me. Most of it was architectural/ horticultural books at a gajillion dollars each. Or pictures of famous art. Or cool architecture. Or other novelties or sketch books or whatever. But I got something completely useful.

It was suggested that I send it to Miles, in Brazil. But I'm not going to. It is mine. I'll get him another one.

Then we drove back to Grand Prairie. I only turned us around once and then navigated us RIGHT to the school. Yea me! Dad left to drive back to Houston. Scott got grumpy because, I dunno why. I got upset that he was grumpy. Once again we made it JUST in time to watch a group that Emma and Mom said were Really impressive. Meh, they were OK. The group after them, from Colorado were much better in my opinion. We watched more performances and were kicked out for a hour while they got ready for finals. I was upset about that because I had planned for us to come back right AT finals so Scott could just watch and not be grumpy. I knew he had a short attention span for all things scholastic / competitive, and I was trying to maximize my fun and enjoyment while minimizing his reason to complain. We got to watch four or five of the finals. They were all amazing. The Coppell team was very good. Perfect run and beautiful costume. Horrible 'floor' it was so distracting! My favorite was ... mumble mumble... the preformed to Habanera and it was amazing! my other favorite were the Alians, and um I'd have to look at my program again...

We left at 7 something PM and drove straight to ;Frisco to work on one of Scott's clients. They are amazing and I was disappointed that we left before Clement's competed again, but was slightly consoled with the knowledge of who we were going to see. Had a good time there. Felt like a ten pound weight was tightened to my mouth. Partly because I have a massive sore on my lip and partly because My wisdom teeth started to pound and throb. So We left when Scott was good and ready. I looked at the clock and got real mad. It was 3:30 in the morning!!!! No wonder I felt tired. No wonder EVERYONE else was asleep! I think it's rally unprofessional to overstay your welcome like that, not to mention RUDE!

Then I woke up at 9:50 this morning.

The end.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Yesterday I got play at the Skembo's. Happy Birthday Issac.

I also actually did my hair and it looked nice and I got compliments.

That's about it.

Tomorrow I'm going to watch Emma at her Winterguard competition in Grand Prairie.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

072

Octi Grey.Sharkmouth cousins-once-removed.

He had to do a hand stand to get the helmet on, it was heavy...LOL. "hey dad, I fell down and it didn't hurt because I had my helmet on!"
At the Zoo.

You will have to click on these strange boxes to see the pictures... I don't get it...
Grey.
Grey. Close up.
Octi-Aidan.


072
Originally uploaded by jameswwquigley
My cute boys. Playing it up in Washington, they've been there for 6 months. It's crazy!
You may or may not be hearing more from me in the near future.

Scott is teaching the night classes at the Carrollton Massage institute. So he leaves when I come home and Comes home right in time for me to go to bed. I have the house all to myself. It's dangerous. I get stuck doing things that make me smile but ultimately make me gloomy and when I get gloomy from too much computing I get a little
masochistic . it's not a good place to be. So yesterday i went to the library and picked up some books. The Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, Charlotte by Jane Austin and Tracker by Robin Cook.

So mow I am set for a week or so. I started into the
Hitchhicker's Guide but when the library closed and I came home I grabbed my journal and spent the rest of the time, besides eating dinner, writing in my journal. Then Scott came home and James called and I stayed up WAY too late.

I was planning on making activities for myself so I won't fall into the computer/mutilation trap. It was very much lik when i was home by myself all day and had to come up with things to do. I'm limited in that I have no vehicle... I would totally crash some parties at friend's houses if I could get there :P

I think my journal may become filled up sooner than I thought it would. Except that I left it at work today. Boo! and we are in a time crunch handing off the car, so I couldn't make the 10 minute round trip back to pick it back up. I really feel as though there is something missing. I may have mentioned before but I take that journal with me everywhere a kid takes a security blanket.

Ummm, lemme see. No incredibly funny stories from work yet. Well none that anyone would understand... I can try to explain. When we submit a work order request and get e-mail confirmation, the "from" field says "bpam". So I was getting our Regional Controller a blackberry set up today, and as I was explaining the order of events before he can read e-mail on it... we have to wait for IT to call with a password. He asked if he should wait to her from B. Pam. And I totally didn't get it ... and then when I did I laughed real hard.

See, not so funny.

Last year for our anniversary we bought a peace lilly. it was pretty-er than the bouquets we saw and would last a lot longer too. Now it is on it's last leg. It died off and then started to grow again, and then it died again and I found out that it had root rot really bad. So I cut off the offending roots and stalks and re potted the two healthy leaves. They wilt before my eyes. Sigh. It has almost made it a whole year, and I'd say that is better than any bouquet I've had!

E-gad! It's not even 8PM yet... I think I will go read some more.

Call me, if you feel like a chat. I know I will feel like one.